Perfect timing and perfect lines
by dhufflebee
Summary: Five times Pepper Potts knows the perfect thing to say, and one time she doesn't.


**Five times Pepper Potts knows the perfect thing to say, and one time she doesn't.**

Both Pepper and Tony are huge snarker, and I love them. I missed Pepper in the last movies though, so I also tried to imagine what might have happened.

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 **1.**

Miss Virginia Potts and agent Phil Coulson are baffled, as they watch Mr. Tony Stark _not_ sticking to the notes.

«I'm gonna kick him in the shins», he deadpans.

«I'll gladly help you», she replies.

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 **2.**

«Tony, please, stop squirming already!» Pepper exclaims, exasperated.

«But it stings!» Tony whines, jumping a little on the chair while Pepper disinfects a big bruise on his shoulder.

«Well, you insist on hurling yourself against walls…»

«It's not like I do that on purpose!» he huffs, a faux-indignant expression on his face. «Besides, the new suits require testing».

«I'm well aware of that», Pepper answers, handing him the first aid box to tend to his own leg. «Just try not to destroy anything, next time». She gets up and glances at Tony, who is squinting while pressing a lint on his knee. «Jarvis?» she asks, walking through the door.

«Yes, Miss Potts?» the bodiless voice answers.

«We'll need more antiseptic».

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 **3.**

She rushes out of their bedroom, alarmed, bare-footed and with a hairbrush in one hand. A loud crash has startled her, and she enters the Tower's lounge room. «Tony!» she shouts, fearing something horrible has happened. There's mayhem in the usually tidy room, and Tony is surrounded by tiny pieces of paper floating in the air. Many books that are usually on the shelves are scattered on the floor, a very expensive blender is on the coffee table and the TV remote is in his hand (she notices it emitting a pulsing blue light, but she chooses not to think about it. For now). No mortal incident, apparently.

Tony's eyes shoot up as he hears his name, and he exclaims: «Pepper! Look, it's snowing!» His smile is mocking, but Pepper can see traces of that particular light he has in his eyes when he works alone too much and for too much time.

She purses her lips (trying not to smile is a difficult task now, she has to admit), and looks at Tony sternly instead. «What on Earth has happened here?»

«Err-», Tony offers, his grin turning into something more sheepish. «An experiment?»

Pepper rolls her eyes (and is very tempted to facepalm, too), and says: «I don't want to know, actually. You clean up all the mess and come straight to bed». Tony teasingly salutes her; she arches an eyebrow but grins anyways. «Leave the books near the wall. I'll rearrange the shelves tomorrow».

She turns to leave, but stops right before walking through the door. «By the way, I really hope you assembled the cabinet _before_ destroying the booklet».

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 **4.**

«Pepper! Pepper!» She hears Tony shout from the lab. She throws the book on the couch and runs.

«What?» she asks, her stomach already twisting, fearing for the worst.

«Ta-da!» Tony grins, his face smudged with oil but flushed with excitement. He nods at a robot beside him. «I revived Dum-e!»

Pepper smiles, and she walks towards his outstretched arms. He expects a hug; she smacks him on the shoulder instead. «Never shout like that again».

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 **5.**

«Oh my god». Pepper is sitting on the edge of the couch, her body tense while she watches the live newsfeed on TV. The SHIELD's Triskelion is crumbling down, three helicarriers are exploding in the sky. Tony is sitting beside her, equally tense, and has been repeating "Fuck!" under his breath since the live coverage started.

Two hours later, they are still on the couch – Pepper is trying to suppress the urge to punch something; Tony's eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes unfocused. She mutes the TV and shakes his shoulder. He turns to face her, and even though his expression seems blank, she can read his eyes: preoccupation, anger, uncertainty.

Pepper stares at him, trying to look sterner than she feels, and says: «Tony, snap out of that. Go call Steve or Natasha or anyone. Now».

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 **\+ 1**

«Tony, I'm home!» Pepper announces, dropping her luggage and waiting for a reply that doesn't come. «Jarvis? Where's Tony?» she asks, while eyeing the room for any sign of him.

«Miss Potts», a female voice answers, «welcome back».

Pepper is startled, and looks frantically around the hall for the source of that comment. «Who's that? Jarvis, who's here?»

«I'm afraid Jarvis is not part of the Tower's system anymore. I'm Tuesday, Miss Potts. And no one else is in the Tower except Mr. Stark».

Pepper's eyes widen, and she opens her mouth to say something, but can't really decide _what_ to say. She asks again for Tony, instead.

«He's been in his lab for the last two days. He activated communication lockdown seven hours ago, saying he didn't want to be disturbed». The information is delivered with a tone that one could easily define flat. Pepper finds herself thinking about the urge in Jarvis's voice in situations like this, and she misses it (hell, _him_ ) already.

She thanks the bodiless voice and goes to the lab, looking for Tony and for explanations. She opens the door using her fingerprint (the codes have been changed – strange, but it has happened before), and is taken aback by the mess. Not that the lab isn't normally chaotic, but the mere presence of Doctor Banner usually seems to contain the centrifugal force of Tony's work. Pepper looks around the room for a couple of minutes before locating Tony under a desk, his forehead pressed against his knees.

She kicks her high-heeled shoes off and sits near him. She observes him for some moments, a preoccupied expression on her face and her brain racing to memories of his past anxiety attacks. She puts her hand on his shoulder, and his muscles tense under her touch. She presses soothing circles with her thumb, until he relaxes again and says, his voice muffled: «Pep, I'm a mess».

«Yeah. But you're my mess», she answers, fully meaning it though her voice has a tiny trace of teasing.

Tony scoffs faintly. «Corny».

«It's not like you've got copyright pending», she says, poking him on the arm. «Really, though. I'm here, I'm back. Talk with me». She strokes his head for a bit, until he straightens his back and looks at her; his eyes are red but his forlorn expression is starting to fade.

«You know, someone once asked me if all I had to offer was a cheap trick and a cheesy one-liner, and I…» He breathes deeply, and his gaze falls to his hands.

Pepper waits in vain for him to finish the sentence, and after a while she intertwines her fingers to his. «The only thing here allowed being cheap and cheesy are chips. And solely because Bruce likes them», she quips.

Tony inhales sharply, his eyes darkening. «No one's gonna eat them, then. 'Cause Bruce isn't coming back». He clenches his jaw, and suddenly begins to kick the leg of the desk, startling Pepper and making all that's on it rattle.

She knows what happened in Johannesburg in bits and pieces (the ones the newsfeeds have deemed important enough to show), but doesn't want to push Tony to tell her anything more. She knows he'll talk about that when he'll feel like it. She squeezes his hand instead, until he stops kicking the desk; he leans on Pepper's shoulder and she kisses the top of his head. They remain still for what seems like an hour, their breathing synched. Pepper has closed her eyes, but her brain is full of questions in need of an answer, and her heart worries as it always does.

«Pep?» Tony asks, and she squeezes his hand again in response. «Don't you have questions?»

«Yes, Tony, of course I have. A lot of them», she answers. «But I don't think this is the time or the place to talk».

«Right. Yet my generous heart will allow you to ask one».

She can't properly see his face, but she catches the trace of teasing in his tone, and smiles. «Wow, thank you», she replies with false reverence. Her brain, however, is already trying to decide which of her inquiries is suitable for the uncomfortable situation they're in. "How are you really feeling?" is a no-no, as anything regarding the Avengers is (she guesses). She doesn't really know what to say, so she settles to something she deems light enough, and asks: «Has Jarvis caught a virus or something?»

Tony's body stiffens beside her, his fists clenched to the point they're almost shaking. She can feel his tension; she can even sense his sadness. Her heart sinks. (Dammit.)

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The experiment with the blender is the one I've referred to in my fic "You don't leave Harry out of lists".


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